The Un-Yogi in me

Here’s what chaps me:

When Yoga Teacher me says/does/preaches/pontificates something amazing/enlightening/endearing/educational/life-changing/mood-altering and then someone who saw/heard/felt it takes someone else’s class and says, “Other Teacher said/did this AMAZING thing today and now my life is complete.”  Top it with, “Why haven’t you ever done/said that” and I almost want to flush the yamas and niyamas down the toilet.

What is it in me that needs this validation, recognition and praise?

Isn’t this path one of service? Yes.

Isn’t selflessness at the core of the practice? Yes.

Am I still allowed to feel this way? Yes.

I can also vent, rant, complain, and… in the end step up to compassion and kindness.

It’s the ego’s first response to be intimidated, threatened. I feel it when it happens. It’s a small, narrowing sensation. Compassion and kindness have more space around them, there’s more room.

This is maybe the most profound experience of meditation for me. The feeling of being in the moment is spacious like this. Being in my head–past, future or fantasy–is narrowing. When I “come back” to the Right Now it’s like a bubble bursting and I float right out into space. Not spacey space, but open, vast and soothing space.

Where there’s room for everyone to be fabulous and smart and wild. Where I am connected to that rather than competing with it. Where I don’t have to use so many backslashes!

Fine. You can have your epiphany with someone else about something I’ve already said. Burst my bubble… please.


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