it’s a challenge

Guess my October Yoga Challenge started tonight.

I took a bath, complete with candles and Dead Can Dance music.

Now (at only 7:40), I’m going to read my book and not look at the computer (after I finish this) until tomorrow. Whoa.

There’s some need (yes, ego need) that gets fed by my “having” to work late, “needing” to check on email first thing. I have no business fall-back for the Facebook obsession as T and A (ha ha) take care of all the fabulous posts, but that too meets my addiction to knowing what other people are doing and if I am involved.

Our therapist (gee, it makes it sound like we should also have an attorney and an accountant) told me once that R’s habits of fighting with his X met some need for him, and even though he had the tools to stop, something in him couldn’t (yet, and he has since gotten much better at not buying in).

Her comment made me think, though, about my self-destructive habits that I have the power to break but choose not to. What need is being met? Which wolf am I feeding?

This is more than just making the time to nurture myself with asana. It’s about a whole new set of boundaries.

Well, this will be my exploration for the next month. Reports to follow.

There’s a wonderful story that has been attributed to the Native American Cherokee Indians.

The story is about a boy who tells his grandfather that he is feeling very angry and upset. The grandfather explains to the boy that he too sometimes feels angry but also he often feels very happy. The grandfather says it is as if there are two wolves battling inside him. One is very angry, aggressive and acts out of fear.  This wolf wants to fight all the time.  The other wolf is happy, playful, and only wants to make friends and live in peace. But the two wolves are constantly battling inside.

The little boy asks: which wolf wins?

And the grandfather replies: ‘the one I feed.’


3 Responses to “it’s a challenge”

  1. 1 Teacher Goes Back to School October 1, 2009 at 4:01 am

    I’m so glad you are taking care of yourself and setting limits on things that don’t serve you.

    Last night I turned off my computer at 7:30, took a bath, read the Lovingkindness book, and was fast asleep by 9:15. Yes, a little third grader-ish, but if it is good enough for them, why not me?

    Thanks for the yoga challenge – I signed up!

    big xo.

  2. 2 journey4yogis October 1, 2009 at 4:43 am

    I’m feeling you on the obsessions. It’s an odd struggle for me. Thank you for sharing.

    Love to you!

  1. 1 Near death… but still attached to my patterns « Parichayavastha Trackback on October 11, 2009 at 5:21 pm

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