Holding on tightly to letting go

I’m getting exactly what I wanted:

  • February off
  • More admin help
  • Some nourishing time just for me
  • Some help/support as I look into my dark corners
  • Sooooo…

    1. There was a knot in my stomach last night in class when I announced that I wouldn’t be back until March.

    What if they don’t miss me? What if they really miss me and decide to leave?

    2. Alicia helped me disconnect during the Haramara retreat and all went swimmingly. So when she offered to permanently route the info@itsallyoga.com email to her rather than my computer, of course I said YES!

    And yet…. when it came down to disabling the account, my palms were sweaty. I waited three days.

    Well, maybe I’ll just keep it for a while and make sure she doesn’t need my help.

    3 & 4. Nourishing time and help with my shit came as a two-for-one – a Destuckification Retreat with my friend Havi at the Asilomar in Monterey. Next week. Right before my Month Off.

    More subs, less of a “send off” from teaching, more time away from the studio, guilt about going.

    I already get a Whole Month Off. Why should I get to go to this too?

    Leaving again. Asking Ron to do everything at the house; asking my colleagues to do everything at the studio.

    Sigh. This is some of the “stuck” stuff that I hope to work on next week. It’s scary to even say I’m going to work it. Or look at. Or think about it. Double sigh.

    Letting go… just a little.


    8 Responses to “Holding on tightly to letting go”

    1. 1 Tami January 22, 2010 at 2:53 am

      1. i miss you and you aren’t even gone yet!

      can we have lunch tomorrow?

      2. yay for alicia helping with more admin!

      3. no guilt. long view – so much better to go to retreat than to teach a few more classes.

      4. you are so gonna get big hugs where you are going.

    2. 2 Nina Unger January 22, 2010 at 5:23 am

      Soooo glad you are going to take care of yourself. You really deserve it! Although, selfishly, I am going to miss you like crazy! (so is everyone else).

    3. 3 Jfrancisco January 23, 2010 at 5:58 am

      GOOD FOR YOU! I can totally relate and therefore whole-heartedly support your decision. I get 4 months off a year and don’t feel guilty about a day of it. Especially for those of us whose jobs require being in the spotlight, so to speak, coupled with lots of responsibility, we need time off to do nothing work-related– that’s how we refresh. A week or two is enough time to catch up on things, but I’m talking about real time off– to do whatever you want without ever thinking about your work responsibilities. I don’t have the mental energy to be around 90+ students (some very needy) plus deal with department chair responsibilities without extended decompressing time. You will come back refreshed and content knowing that you took time for yourself. AND I think the retreat in Monterey (ya) is just the way to start it off! You should plan to do this every year. I hope to see you when you are back. :-)

      • 4 blogasana January 23, 2010 at 3:37 pm

        Thanks a ton, Jenna! Of course, when I listen to you talk about it I think Hell ya, she needs some time off! Hard to remember that it applies to me too. I just love that you have no guilt. Thanks for being my Rejuvenation Inspiration!! I see you in class =)

    4. 5 Diane January 25, 2010 at 1:45 am

      M……….sometime about 15 years ago, I went to the accountant with John to meet about our taxes. It was a routine appointment.
      On the way to my office I stopped at my doctors office and couldn’t stop crying. He wanted to know when I last had a vacation??? and I guess we couldn’t identify a time. He sent me home for a month with the Rx not to cross the causeway. I got under my bed and stayed. Fortunately, my sister worked with me then and she took care.
      get under your bed!….xo,d

      • 6 blogasana January 25, 2010 at 3:07 am

        wow, you? that is so reassuring, diane! proof that everyone needs a break, and maybe even proof of the relationship between how successful we can be and how we take care of ourselves. i’ll be under the bed!! xo

        • 7 Diane January 26, 2010 at 5:34 am

          think we should be sleeping if the times above are right on……3:07am or even 1:45am…..to late or early for those of us under our beds….xo,d….packing, packing, packing….what shoes, what jacket, this is toooooo cute to leave at home. The suite case can’t weigh 10lbs????……….

        • 8 blogasana January 26, 2010 at 9:17 pm

          ya! the time stamp must be off… i’m never up at 3 am (or if i am i’m fitfully trying to go back to sleep). good luck with your packing… i wish i fit in your bag, but i’m definitely over 10 bls =)

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