Fake it till you make it

I’ve been feeling badly (or more correctly, my Monster has been feeling guilty) about saying that our Destuckification Retreat teacher was a faker.

That was a hard day. Monster was grumpy. Not feeling so pink.

But I meant it. At least in some ways.

Let me explain.

Havi is brilliant at asking for and listening to internal guidance. She is brilliant at planning on the fly. She does not freak out (externally, anyway) about not having a plan or changing course mid-stream. She does not talk about what’s missing.

And even though there was, at times, a flurry of unknown, she never seemed flustered, rushed, apologetic, stuck, conflicted, or disconnected.

***

This afternoon I was talking to one of the TTs who will be subbing for me during my (now affectionately called) February Recess about how busy her Monster has been.

Of course she’s nervous, of course she’ll be sweaty and dry mouthed, of course time will stand still.

But it’s not like she’ll stand up in front of the class Monday nights at 5:45 pm at It’s All Yoga in Sacramento (you should totally go) and say that!

She’ll get all that monster crap worked out before hand so she can Show Up and Drive. If she appeared to be terrified, the students would feel like they had to take care of her, they would be concerned about her, they would be thinking of her, and for goodness sake, that’s not what their practice time is about.

Yes, this is a hard thing to do as a new teacher. That’s why you fake it.

***

At different points during the retreat, Havi clearly did not have a plan.

She had lots of content and structure. But the morning movement sessions, the yoga, the check ins, the evening meditation? No plan.

Because she is a Gifted Teacher, the result was organic, inspired, and wonderful.

She didn’t stumble, or apologize, or appear to be sweating. She (almost visibly) opened herself to guidance and then trusted what came.

And she had this way of talking about the optional segments with a I-can’t-believe-you-missed-it-because-it-was-so-fabulous kind of zeal that you thought everyone but you was there… but really there were only 4 people. She didn’t say that. And it made you want to go next time.

In addition to all of the life-changing tools and tricks and hard-core content I learned last week, I also learned so much just from being with Havi.

She is good at communicating clearly and passionately, being present with people, looking you in the eyes, making it fun, making it ok. And she’s a really good hugger.

I love her dearly and I thank her from the bottom of my heart.

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