Peeling the onion

Woke up at 3 am with wanna-be Monsters running around my head. The ring leader was sleeping in his bed, but looters—less dangerous, but still annoying—were buzzing around me… mere gnats compared to the dragon.

They were reminding me of irritating minor details such as:

• don’t forget to repaint the studio bathroom
• you didn’t pay the bills yesterday
• what if Wilbur isn’t open on Thursday… you really should check
• you forgot to order the ayurvedic herbs again

Of course these feel like life-changing omissions at 3 in the morning.

In the midst of this, I realized something very fabulous: since Recess, I have not had the heart palpitations and rapid breathing that I frequently experience during the night.

Even last night with the gnats, my nervous system was not freaked out. Just awake.

In sharing this realization with some friends today, one likened the emotional unraveling that occurs during time off to peeling an onion.

We think each layer is the last.

There are tears along the way.

We don’t realize how far we are from the core, from rest, from ease.

As we peel and go deeper, it becomes clear that we’ve been bogged down, smothered.

I feel like I’m maybe one or two layers in. A month off, two and a half weeks so far, and just a couple of layers.

I’m not disappointed or complaining, just amazed. We all work so hard, so long, so fast. Our “onions” keep getting bigger, more and more layered.

I am so grateful for this time and the support of everyone who’s made it possible. And for 2 weeks with no palpitations.

***

How do you peel your onion? How do you release the layers of stress and tension?

Is asana/yoga enough? Do you take hiatuses? Punch the bed pillow? Drink?

Do tell…