Hard to say

So many things came up during my weekend retreat.

Many hard things. Many beautiful things.

Here are eight of them.

  1. I gauge my worth on how productive I am. How much I “get done.”
  2. The state of the mind is merciless and can go from utter and boundless joy to absolute rage in a heartbeat.
  3. The acknowledgment of both perfection and despair bring me to tears.
  4. The possibility of someone sitting “with” me made sitting so much easier.
  5. Insights that are so profound in the moment fade with time and later seem less astonishing, less impactful. I want to know how to keep the immediacy of the insight alive.
  6. Being “in the moment” is very anti-climactic. There’s no fanfare, no fireworks. It is brilliantly and perfectly ordinary.
  7. Making breakfast, lunch and dinner from scratch felt very extravagant. It was a beautiful thing to spend time creating nourishing food for myself.
  8. I don’t need more money to be happy. This was a powerful insight, as money (or lack of) is a big source of anxiety for me.

Not reading or writing was perhaps the most challenging part and left me with inadequate words to describe the weekend.

Maybe it goes beyond words. Maybe it never needed them anyway.


2 Responses to “Hard to say”

  1. 1 janeen May 8, 2010 at 2:18 am

    #2 – I didn’t know that about you. I’m surprised, actually. I would never guess…

    and #7 – from scratch? Awesome! Good for you!

    Thanks for sharing. I always feel connected to you when I read something that I didn’t know.

    Big hugs.

  1. 1 Meditation Rebellion Trackback on October 3, 2011 at 8:59 pm

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