Not telling

Five full days into my challenge of not talking about other people.

Oye, the insights. Not all easy or fun.

In fact, the resistance this has brought up from other people (mostly one other person, which of course I cannot tell you about) is heavy.

Most persuasive so far:

  • How much silence there is, i.e., how much I am refraining (on the other side, how much I would have been talking about others)
  • How unnecessary most of the comments are that I’m omitting
  • How little (at least in the conversations I’ve come across this week) we talk to each other about each other
  • There are conversations I am most likely avoiding by using filler talk
  • In interactions this week, my pledge seems to make those who know about it at best more mindful of their own speech, and at worst uncomfortable and awkward

I’ve heard from many of you that you are informally joining in this experiment or heightening your mindfulness around your current awareness of speech.

What are you discovering? What’s the hardest part?

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4 Responses to “Not telling”


  1. 1 Elizabeth August 22, 2010 at 5:50 pm

    I haven’t formally joined in, but I do notice myself being more aware of what I say (after the face, as in, after the conversation is over). That does seem useful in and of itself.

  2. 2 Elizabeth August 22, 2010 at 5:51 pm

    after the fact, I mean, not face :)

  3. 3 Tracy August 23, 2010 at 1:50 pm

    Hello! I found my way here via Elizabeth who writes/share at Retinal Perspectives. I’ve been a yoga & Buddhist practitioner for many years. Your current life-changing challenge of not talking about other people is timely, as this is a topic that has been much on mind and now I can change this habit through my practice. I am becoming more aware of the quality of conversations–or lack of in some cases. You expression “filler talk” is a good one. I think we many of us may be “guilty” of that. I realize how much energy is used in talking about people, and how exhausting it really is. This is like learning how to speak all over. :o)

    • 4 blogasana August 25, 2010 at 3:49 pm

      thanks so much for the note, tracy. i love your blog—i’ll be making those cupcakes this week! nice to make another online friend!


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